The Siren

It seems like this time of every year seems to fly by really quickly.

Before we finally settled in the Western world, this time used to seem to drag on FOREVER. In the Eastern world where I lived, around this time was the time where school had just returned for a month or two. Students were still settling in, and as usual, I was asked to study every day.

Since the settlement in the Western world, I cannot say it's the same. Sure as the years go on, more workload accumulate at this time. As the days go by, my birthday approaches every year. Being born at the end of the year can be both a blessing or a curse. You know your birthday will definitely land during holidays, but most people could also be gone. For me, the curse is that it's usually during examination periods. It's been this way since high school. It is still the same way in university.

However, because this period is the crazy period where intense studying needs to be done, it usually flies by so quickly. I am sure by the time I realise it, it's going to be the night of my somewhat-grand 21st birthday party. It's 3 weeks away, but it seems just around the corner. However, I'm sure if I was in March and looking into April, 3 weeks would be FOREVER away. Is it the birthday? Or is it the amount of studying one needs to focus on that changes the perception of time?

Years are starting to go by like a flash. I remember when I turned sixteen, it really was a sweet sixteen. I can barely remember the details, but I think it was a small setting with my closest friends at the time. It's interesting to see how much friends come and go. On a reality show, a woman said "Men come and go. Friends stay." I'm not sure if both love interest and friends really do stay. Throughout your life, you go through different phases. During secondary studies, you would be encountering the same group of people every day. You grow used to it, and that's why graduation is so hard to take. I still remember the morning of graduation, the feeling of happiness, but also at the same time I knew things would never ever be the same with my friends. The people I grew used to seeing every morning, every afternoon, every minute of the day will suddenly disappear. We are going to go separate ways and most of us will never cross paths again. Those that you never got to know in your various classes will just be faces you will think back and vaguely remember in 20 years time. You will think about the time you invested with someone, or certain group of people, and realise that you probably don't talk to him/her or anyone from the group. You start to think, should I have invested more time in those other vague faces that I never talked to?

I believe uni will be no different. Especially with the course I am studying. I think we are too used to each other. It won't be this way soon. We are all gonna leave, and we will grow into separate bright dentists.

The thought of turning 21 is still actually quite scary. I am still young, that I know. However, I cannot help to think: where did the last 20 years go?! I look back and realise I've learnt so much in the last 20 years, but I seem to never really learn from my mistakes properly. I make the same mistakes again, and again, and again. When you are a kid, you can only dream of being an adult. You think about the freedom that it would bring you. You think about being like your mum and dad, living with no rules, not having to go to school, not having to follow your teachers' instructions, not having to deal with nasty classmates and not having to sleep at 8pm. However, you start to realise, that little beautiful bubble you thought an adult life would be is simply not real. You don't live with no rules, you live by the rules determined by everyone around you. You don't deal with nasty classmates anymore, you deal with real life sly, conniving, manipulating evil human beings. You don't have to sleep at 8pm, but you will rarely get enough sleep ever again. You don't have homework to do anymore, but you will never find enough time to do your work, and doing your work will be a curse, because without work, you won't support yourself.

Is being an adult really all that pretty now? I think it's the same with being a student. We can only dream of leaving the school and being able to stand on our own two feet. However, once we leave, will we have a backbone again?

With the birthday so near in the future, I wonder what the me in 10 years will look back to this entry and say. I doubt I will be purer than I am now, because obviously I am no longer as pure as I was when I was a kid, but I can only hope I don't go to the deep end and become a crazy psycho.

Every birthday now seems like an alarm, a siren, reminding you that the clock is ticking. Time is running out. These are the youthful days my friends. To all those who read my blog - which I know isn't many - remember how blessed you are.

Happy examination period.

Oh and closing note, I find that end of year babies have a much more festive heart than those born in the middle of the year. End of the year is all about celebration. The closing of a year, welcoming of a new year, time of forgiveness and time for renewal. Christmas just can't come soon enough!

-Daniel