I can't for my life figure out what's going on with my life. It seems like, the more you want to take control, the less control you have.
Let's be clear about one thing. I want an iPad. However, recent events are NOT the ways I want to get my iPad. If I were to get one, I want it to be legit and I want to be proud of the way I got it.
Realization of own my sick, twisted obsession with materialistic things have brought me to a whole new level. It was a battle between moral and greed. In the end, moral won, thank God.
When did I become such a hateful person? I'm literally faithless, hopeless and happy-less. A dear friend had invited me to join a religious study group. The study group did make me feel warm and welcome, but I feel like my heart is in a far away place. Or better yet, I have an empty heart. I have become so unwilling to trust, so reluctant to care, so lazy to act and so emotionless to feel.
Security.
Daniel Hu
2012年8月15日 星期三
2012年8月9日 星期四
Roller Coaster
Emotional roller coaster is a wild ride. You don't know when it starts, where it ends and what's waiting on the ride.
I've been on many emotional coasters, and I'm sure most people have too in their life.
Life is short, yet our job as human beings is to fill this short life with people, friends and events that will bring joy, happiness and peace of mind to ourselves. However, we all know that's not an easy job. Craziness somehow always finds its way into our lives.
Maybe for a year now, I feel like I've been on a new ride. Currently, I still don't know where I am at on this ride. It's funny how people say, when one door shuts, another opens. I've been so caught up on the doors that were closing, or had already been shut, I never gave the new ones a chance.
However, once I walked through the new door, I realise I'm already on the roller coaster with no return.
Recent weeks have been filled with a lot of ups and downs. I may not be the person everyone thinks I am, but I am not one to kick a horse when it's down. I've tried to get my point across, and I hope it's understood. I know I can be and am reliable, yet I feel like all my offerings are not needed or dismissed. Oh well, life's like that isn't it?
Sometimes I wonder where such emotions stem from.
It hurts to see what has happened. Even after discussion, I have no idea where to go. Is there any way to fix this? Is there any way to make it better?
The saddest moment is when there is an establishment that the relationship has gone to a certain state, yet the consensus is to agree to disagree. Where did our passion go? Where did my passion go?
Anyway. Workload at school is a lot less this semester and I've been way too laid back at home. New guilty pleasures have been discovered and I've drowned myself in these new pleasures. Indulging myself in the world of nonsense, I do feel relief and escape from reality. I feel like I fall into this pattern: much more hard working during first half of the year, then the enthusiasm dies.
A project is coming up and should be in production right now, yet I've been reluctant to make a start. I believe making a move is always the hardest part. It's the first step that scares most people. I should really start this though. Maybe... In a few days =). I guess there are a few things holding me back, because this project is really coming from a caring heart, yet I don't know how this will be perceived. But can one really say no to love and warmth?
A recent event has also shaken my heart. It disgusts me to think that there are people out there exploiting people's kindness. Let's hope I get away with it this time. If not, I know I'm gonna be smarter! Quoting a friend, and a song: Once bitten, twice shy.
-Daniel
I've been on many emotional coasters, and I'm sure most people have too in their life.
Life is short, yet our job as human beings is to fill this short life with people, friends and events that will bring joy, happiness and peace of mind to ourselves. However, we all know that's not an easy job. Craziness somehow always finds its way into our lives.
Maybe for a year now, I feel like I've been on a new ride. Currently, I still don't know where I am at on this ride. It's funny how people say, when one door shuts, another opens. I've been so caught up on the doors that were closing, or had already been shut, I never gave the new ones a chance.
However, once I walked through the new door, I realise I'm already on the roller coaster with no return.
Recent weeks have been filled with a lot of ups and downs. I may not be the person everyone thinks I am, but I am not one to kick a horse when it's down. I've tried to get my point across, and I hope it's understood. I know I can be and am reliable, yet I feel like all my offerings are not needed or dismissed. Oh well, life's like that isn't it?
Sometimes I wonder where such emotions stem from.
It hurts to see what has happened. Even after discussion, I have no idea where to go. Is there any way to fix this? Is there any way to make it better?
The saddest moment is when there is an establishment that the relationship has gone to a certain state, yet the consensus is to agree to disagree. Where did our passion go? Where did my passion go?
Anyway. Workload at school is a lot less this semester and I've been way too laid back at home. New guilty pleasures have been discovered and I've drowned myself in these new pleasures. Indulging myself in the world of nonsense, I do feel relief and escape from reality. I feel like I fall into this pattern: much more hard working during first half of the year, then the enthusiasm dies.
A project is coming up and should be in production right now, yet I've been reluctant to make a start. I believe making a move is always the hardest part. It's the first step that scares most people. I should really start this though. Maybe... In a few days =). I guess there are a few things holding me back, because this project is really coming from a caring heart, yet I don't know how this will be perceived. But can one really say no to love and warmth?
A recent event has also shaken my heart. It disgusts me to think that there are people out there exploiting people's kindness. Let's hope I get away with it this time. If not, I know I'm gonna be smarter! Quoting a friend, and a song: Once bitten, twice shy.
-Daniel
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