As my final year passes by, my outlooks are becoming different. Emotions are unstable - happy days, exhausted days and depressed days seem to rotate throughout the week. We can never truly appreciate the things we have until we lose them - and this is the same with the people around you. My week in the hospital made me realise how much I want to work in a hospital and the irrational side of me came out and made a statement saying that I will not miss anyone in the cohort. This changed tonight. Seeing all these faces again has brought back so many memories. We aren’t just ‘classmates’. We survived all the past 4 years together. There are much more ups and downs.
Being my age - still very young - and being at where I am now is an interesting thing to witness and experience tonight. As a final year and senior student, you look at things differently. I may not have time to party every night, but I do make time to relax when I can. My career will involve me being sharp, alert and ready to go. I can’t afford to lose my senses. The students who are years below me are full of energy to party and mind you a lot of them are actually older than me. Have I simply lost that fun side of me?
Recently I am also discovering the mess I’ve made myself to be over the years. It isn’t just an overnight process. This has been going on for a long time. You push yourself into thinking you want something, then when you nearly have it you get scared and let go. I’ve always thought I was one to commit into a relationship yet recent events make me doubt this.
Our Kodak moment is coming my peers. We’ve made it this far and we just have another few months to go. I am sure this year will just fly by once again and before you know it we will all be walking up to that stage receiving our degree and our title of ‘Dr’. What happened to the last 5 years?! What really really really really happened? I really want to know. All I know is, I am preparing myself for the real world. For the, excuse the corny word, bright future ahead. As I count down the days I have left in this hell, I wonder… When did things change so much?
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