Doubts, Debates and Dazzling.

Tonight I had my birthday celebration with my university friends.

It was so surreal and special.

Accepting the fact that I am now ready to go into my 5th year of university study has still not sunken in for me.

I still look back to that first day in high school. My family getting super excited and taking photos in the morning. I wore my shorts super high and tucked my shirt in. Pulled that long socks up and put my hat on (who the hell puts their hat on). Remembering getting from K Block to A Block was the biggest challenge. The second day of school, there was a huge rain. I had no idea how to get to A block, once again. In the heavy rain, a year 12 helped me there. We shared an umbrella, but nevertheless we were both wet. I was soaked wet. I got to class and I could not concentrate at all. I was drenched.

Fast forward, waking up the last day of high school was interesting too. I woke up and thought to myself 'this is it, this is where your life begins'.

I know that's what I'm going to feel next year too at my university graduation.

Remembering my first day at university, I was super lost. Not only did I have to come down from Brisbane to Gold Coast, I also missed the orientation day. I had no idea how university worked. I could not find any buildings. I arrived to the lecture late, and also drenched in sweat. I remember I didn't know where to sit as I really had no friends. I also remember not understanding a word at all in the biology lecture - as I have no background in biology whatsoever. The words 'mitochondria' scared the living hell out of me. Protein synthesis, cell membrane, cell wall. All I could think of was 'what the fuck?'

Fast forward now, my daily routine includes picking up a syringe that most people hate and injecting people with copious amount of local anaesthetic solution. Looking at teeth everyday and dealing with people's problems with their oral health.

5 years of high school sure go by quickly. 4 years of university has gone by quickly too. I have accomplished more than I could ever imagined. By the end of next year, it would be my 10th year of proper education (primary didn't really count!). It has been a long road hasn't it?

The celebration tonight was more than amazing. Having a group of friends that I love the most was unbelievable. However, I also had to face the sad fact that I will not see half of these people next year. Placement will be putting us in different places at all times. Suddenly I felt like I was detached from my closest friends against my will. I am pulled away by this unknown force without wanting to do it. Yet this is life isn't it? When we graduate, that's it. We will never all be in the same room together - or the occasion would be very rare. Will any of them remember this night as clear as I would?

This also begs me to question myself, what the fuck are you doing with your life right now?

Recent months have been a roller-coaster ride itself. I'm now starting to realise my stupidity and reflect on the true values of my previous actions. If you can't sort yourself out, why the fuck are you helping someone?

Sometimes the lights are too shiny and you become blinded for a second and lose your way. Maybe it's time to find that path again. Maybe letting go isn't so hard sometimes.

-Daniel