Remember How It Used To Be?

There was a time in my life when I thought I couldn't move on. I thought I can never move forward because the person I loved the most at that time had turned away from me. For me, I have never known any other ways to live but with that person by my side. Maybe it was the obsession of always having the person around that made the person push me away.

Somehow, I survived. I don't think about the person as much anymore, and when I do, I don't go down a spiral of sadness.

How did it happen? What did I do exactly to get over the situation?

How do you accept that the person you love the most in this world will never ever love you back? It is so hard to let go, yet at the same time you must.

Be glad that you have the capability to love though. I have never ever in my life thought I can love someone this much. It's almost a sick twisted love if you want to put it that way. It's when you want the person so badly, you don't care what you become. If I have to be sick with you, I will. If I have to get down on my knees for you, I will. The feeling is strong, too strong that it makes you blind and deaf from other good thing in your life.

Right now I'm wondering what my life was like before you walked in. What the hell did I do? How did I get through the days? Sometimes you can make someone the centre of your life that you forget this is YOUR own life that you're living and you need not place anyone in the centre but yourself. What did I do in those days again? What did I used to do when I wake up? Did I stare at my phone hoping for a call? A text? How did I go to places? These answers are still unclear to me.

It's hard to let go. It really is. When you start to think about how much fun you had and all the great times you've spent with the person, it really sets you back. You just really have to realize that what happened has happened and NOTHING can change that or take that away. If you went somewhere special, then you went somewhere special. It's a fact. Nothing can change that. So be glad that you were able to go somewhere special, or do something together.

It just sucks sometimes. You wish everything would go your way. You wish the person you love would love you back. Everything just seems so perfect, but it just wouldn't happen your way. 

I want to share everything with you. I want you to know all about me. I want you to have all of me. I want you to take my heart as yours to break. I want you to do whatever you want to me. It's sick isn't it? Knowing I'm willing to sacrifice it all, but you won't take any of it, is somewhat eating me up.

Let this love remain unanswered. Let this seed remain in the soil and let it never sprout.

What isnt' meant to be isn't meant to be right? It's so much easier said than done.

Daniel